Detach and Let Go
Let Go Today of control for a better tomorrow
A topic which comes up time and again in our psychic readings is that of difficult relationships. So many people are involved in relationships which they are unsure how to move forward in, they are relationships which are causing them deep pain and seem to be taking up so much time in their valuable lives. So what can you do if you are involved in such a relationship?
Firstly, let me say, these difficult relationships that are not working can be with husbands or wives, mothers or fathers, daughters or sons and even with our friends. Difficult relationships are not exclusive they can emerge at any stage in your life and they can exist with almost anyone or anything.
The common denominator in all these relationships is co dependence, we have become involved in a relationship which is not good for either party. Co dependence within a relationship can be changed, some relationships blossom following the change and some do not survive the change but one thing you can be sure of with detachment is that you will grow and your life will move in the right direction for you over time.
In very basic terms dealing with co dependence means learning to mind your own business and detaching from the other person and their behaviours by just letting go. One of the biggest lessons we have to learn in life is that as adults we cannot control the actions of others no matter how much we may want to and how hard we try. It is through the art of detachment we learn more about ourselves and regain our own power; we begin to make decisions that are good for ourselves.
Detachment once adopted becomes a daily practice, it is not a one off fix, it is a complete new behaviour to many of us who have been engaging in difficult relationships all or most of our lives. In fact often once you begin to use detachment in one relationship in your life you may discover that you need to use it in others. Co-dependency exists at many levels but once you have learned to identify it, all your relationships can benefit.
The end goal is to separate ourselves from others, to understand and realise that we are separate beings, each person has different beliefs, they have had different experiences and they have different wishes from life than we may have. It is about taking responsibility for ourselves and letting others take responsibility for themselves.
We are all here on earth for our own lessons; we all have our individual journeys to make. Detachment is not about abandoning people we love it is about allowing them live the lives they choose, trusting them to learn their lessons along the way, letting go of the need to control the life of another. If you really stop to think have you ever really been successful in your attempts to control, sometimes you can win a battle along the way but really do you ever win the war. In my experience, no.
The most important thing to remember is to detach with kindness and love. There is no point in using detachment as a tool to hurt or to change another as it will not give you the outcome you desire.
When you learn to detach, to stand back and stop getting involved you begin to see life clearer, our attachment keeps us bogged down in unhealthy behaviours, and it keeps us in unhealthy relationships.
As a simple example we can end up arguing with a partner about how often they go out, that argument can go on years but still the person goes out. Sometimes we need to stand back and stop the argument, accept they are going out. Sounds crazy, it seems counterproductive, as now they will just go out and continue their bad behaviour. Maybe it’s not so crazy, maybe it’s best to detach from the argument, let them do what they want to do and then take the time outside the argument to decide what you want to do. The surprising thing is that when you change everything ends up changing. The person may begin to think you don’t care any more and change what they are doing or they may continue but the truth is then they were going to continue anyway if you stayed in your old behaviours.
Remember the secret to detachment is to do it with love, do it to change your life not someone else’s.
A good line to learn while trying to detach from a difficult codependent relationship is ‘Not my business’ so every time you get upset and want to tell them how to do something differently put up your hand almost as you would if you were stopping a car and say to yourself silently ‘Not my business’. It really does help to remind yourself to close your mouth and mind your own business. You see the problem is trying to tell another adult how to do things differently, never works!!
The big question is once you have detached will the person see what you were saying was right? The simple answer is they may or they may not. So how does it work? Once you detach and let go your happiness no longer depends on the actions of the other person, you begin to think again for yourself and your own life.
We would love to hear your comments on codependent relationships or on how you learned to detach. All our experiences once shared can help others, sometimes we just need to know we are not in the world alone.
Psychics Video Live xx
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